My Testimony

By | 2:46 PM
I am sitting in the library right now with soaking wet feet and dripping hair.
today, it is raining.  and it is cold. and it is dark and it is windy and I suspect that soon it will be very noisy with thunder and lightning.
Oklahoma has very bad storms.
but all it well!  it's monday... which means E-mailing and letter writing and better yet we may head on up to the church and drink hot chocolate and watch 17 miracles on the t.v. up there... and maybe goof on the piano.  preparation days are the best days.

I have one story to tell today.  I could tell more, it's been a busy enough week.  but I'm only going to tell one because I want to make sure I do it right.

I don't feel like I ever really "chose" to come on a mission. too many people ask me what made me decide to do this... and I don't honestly know.  sometimes, when it's been a hard day and I'm depressed and down on myself, I want to answer them by saying "my mom made me do it" but usually my answer is something like prayer and a nice feeling... just to answer the immediate question and continue on my day.
I've never prayed about the book of Mormon.  I've never even read the thing.  I've never prayed about Joseph Smith and the things he said he saw.
this week has been amazing to me.
we study for an hour every morning by ourselves.  I sit right next to a window and I usually spin around in my dorky little office chair... trying to keep myself awake and inspired.  I am reading the book of Mormon for the first time... honest truth!  I admit it... and for a while I was ashamed of that.  I'm not proud of it or anything, but I'm not ashamed.
anyway.  I was reading in Mormon chapter 9.  yup... I am almost done with the book of Mormon!  yay me :)
okay, so I read earlier in chapter 8 about how in order for the book of Mormon to be brought forth in this dispensation, the person who would translate it needed to have an "eye single to the glory of god".  I wasn't sure what that actually meant so I looked it up and ended reading all of Joseph Smith History.  it was amazing and I loved it!
the next morning, during studies, I actually got to read in Chapter 9.  well, the entire chapter is amazing, but what stood out to me the most was verses 18 and 19:

18 And who shall say that Jesus Christ did not do many mighty amiracles? And there were many bmighty miracles wrought by the hands of the apostles.
 19 And if there were amiracles wrought then, why has God ceased to be a God of miracles and yet be an unchangeable Being? And behold, I say unto you he bchangeth not; if so he would cease to be God; and he ceaseth not to be God, and is a God of miracles.

remember... I was still thinking about Joseph Smith.
everything clicked.

I thought is was all pretty neat, so at our next appointment with a less active member, I shared it.
and then the next day I shared that scripture and my testimony of Joseph Smith.
and then the next appointment I shared that scripture and my testimony of Joseph Smith and my testimony of Christ's Church and of miracles.

all that i have been learning and teaching while I've been out here makes sense...
I know Miracles exist.  and I know there is a God.
and now I know that god won't change and that he is constant.
I know that he did amazing things then, and I know that he can do amazing things now.
I know that he restored this church through Joseph Smith.  I know we have a prophet.
and I am so amazed and overwhelmed that I am a part of this.

this happened about 3 days ago.
and guess what.  I'm already struggling again.
testimonies are hard to hold on to!  and even harder in hard times... and missions are hard times!
the neat thing about a mission though is that I get to share my testimony every day.  every day I should be sharing it at least once.... and hopefully more!  and every time I share it... I remember when I gained it.

I still don't have my moment of conversion..... I don't know how people get that!  I want a powerful story about a moment.  but so far at least I have a testimony of the Book of Mormon.  I'm almost done reading, and I've learned more than i thought there was to learn.
I thought I knew so much.... and that was definitely my down fall!  I've had to do a lot of humbling out here.... and I am positive I still have more to do.

and now I am out of time.


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